One Step Closer

Since I have begun to pursue this new journey in photography I have had some highs and some lows. And there are times when the "best intentioned" people have tried to be my "voice of reason" because they want to "Keep my grounded" for my own sake. As opportunities arise I sometimes am told: "It never really goes anywhere"

I thank God, that my husband is not one of those people. He tells me daily: "No dream is to little and no dream is to big" He is my own personal cheerleader (although I promise you WOULD NOT want to see him in his cheer outfit...), my strong tower and a source of encouragement. He believes in me and that belief helps set me free to spread my wings and try to fly.

Oh, don't get me wrong. There are moments when I come crashing back to earth and I am broken, bleeding and hurting from the failure. And in those moments, he scoops me up emotionally, lets me cry for a bit, dusts me off and pushes me gently back out of the nest to try my wings again telling me: "Keep realizing, with every opportunity you fly just a little bit further than the last"

Without him it would be very easy for me to settle into mediocrity and stop trying to fly. I would settle into that place of complacency where I think this is the best its ever going to be, becoming a shell of the real me. And this isn't who I would want to be.

I want to reach - I want to dream - I want to fly!

So you see, sometimes life moves in quirky yet very mysterious circles and it never ceases to amaze me how out of the ordinary, something extraordinary can happen.

Big Changes in the wind

So I find myself at a crossroads once again and intially I was scared to death. I went through the gamit of emotions, frustration, fear, despair and confusion. I told myself that this job was going to be the last one I held until I jumped off the cliff and into my dreams. Which sounds great but there is only one problem. This was a part of my FIVE year plan and just over a year after the plan began, everything changed.

Now at this crossroads do I simply take the leap into the dark or get out the flashlight and start looking at my options. I find myself looking into this blackness, reaching out and feeling nothing. And then I am reminded, it is at this moment when I am truly walking by faith and not by sight. Is it at this moment that what's really inside me will come out. And I think that might terrify me more than the looming job decision.

What's really inside of me? Do I represent God with everything I am or do I only do so when it's convenient for me? I hope not, I pray not. I would like to tell you that I am always 100% sure on my answer but there are days when I would be lying to you. I am after all, a messy emotional human being.

Luke 9:23 says:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

I used to think this meant denying who I want to be and denying the dreams I had for my life, but everyday I realize more and more that the closer I get to Him, the more I understand who I am and how much my dreams align with His plan for my life.

Oh don't get me wrong... I still have those days where I want to pull my head over the covers and hide. But on most days? I am pretty stinkin awesome.