Big Changes in the wind

So I find myself at a crossroads once again and intially I was scared to death. I went through the gamit of emotions, frustration, fear, despair and confusion. I told myself that this job was going to be the last one I held until I jumped off the cliff and into my dreams. Which sounds great but there is only one problem. This was a part of my FIVE year plan and just over a year after the plan began, everything changed.

Now at this crossroads do I simply take the leap into the dark or get out the flashlight and start looking at my options. I find myself looking into this blackness, reaching out and feeling nothing. And then I am reminded, it is at this moment when I am truly walking by faith and not by sight. Is it at this moment that what's really inside me will come out. And I think that might terrify me more than the looming job decision.

What's really inside of me? Do I represent God with everything I am or do I only do so when it's convenient for me? I hope not, I pray not. I would like to tell you that I am always 100% sure on my answer but there are days when I would be lying to you. I am after all, a messy emotional human being.

Luke 9:23 says:
Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

I used to think this meant denying who I want to be and denying the dreams I had for my life, but everyday I realize more and more that the closer I get to Him, the more I understand who I am and how much my dreams align with His plan for my life.

Oh don't get me wrong... I still have those days where I want to pull my head over the covers and hide. But on most days? I am pretty stinkin awesome.